As I've thought a lot about sex these past few weeks (and, I guess, the last 40 years of my life!), it has become very apparent to me that we have a serious difference of opinion about sex between what our God says to us, and what our culture says about sex. In my next post, I'll put a few of the differences up on this page, but before I do that, I would really love to hear from ya'll what are the lies you are hearing from our culture about sex? Also, if you don't mind, please tell us why you think that particular lie is so appealing to us.
Looking forward to a healthy discussion about lies!
ST
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16 comments:
I was wondering about a statistic that you mentioned on Sunday 02/20. You said over 50%ish of 9th grades thought a male could force his girlfriend to have sex if they had been going to gether for over six months. What is the actual percentage and where did you find that stat?
BTW - I think that is appalling.
I'm a huge fan of Discipleship Journal, the publication put out by the Navigators. The stat was taken from an article called "What Dr. Ruth Couldn't Tell You!" by Stephen Hayner, who was the president of InterVarsity at the time of the article's writing (July/August 1991). Here's the quote that I used and the link to the whole article (which I highly recommend):
"Furthermore, the voices say, we all have sexual “rights.” A Rhode Island Rape Crisis Center study of 1700 teenagers found that 65 percent of the boys and 37 percent of the girls in seventh to ninth grade said that it is acceptable for a man to force a woman to have sex if they have been dating for more than six months. Date rape is now a huge problem on college campuses. Administrators in the Big Ten universities estimate that one out of every eight women on their campuses will be the victim of rape or attempted rape this year." (the year was 1991 for the Big Ten study, BTW)
You can get the article here.
It is alarming. I think the lie here is that "you owe me!" Like sex is something that you "earn" or "deserve" for putting up with someone for a period of time. Definately not God's plan!
Steve
I think it's great that you're tackling this issue, Steve. Here are some of the lies I'm picking up:
Sexual Intercourse is a need, and you are incomplete if you aren't getting any.
Women's sexual appetite is the same as a man's.
Oral sex isn't really sex (there are a disturbing number of junior high kids engaging in oral sex, studies show that many junior highers and older don't think its a big deal).
Only the super-human are able to wait until marriage.
Van S
Dude, I can't believe how many times I have heard that last one. In fact, the idea that "you won't explode" if you don't have sex or have sexual release is like speaking Swahili to many people!
As I was sick in bed last night, I was watching Survivor with many women who are very scantily garbed. I was reminded of huge lie:
It isn't lust if the image I am seeing is 2-dimensional!
Couldn't watch the whole episode - had to settle for an in depth look at UFOs - which would be a great topic for a latter blog. Remind me in case I forget.
ST
Pat,
Only you would pick that up MINUTES from my writing it! What, do you have a google search going constantly for "Possible Treichler double meanings?!!?!?"
Seriously, folks, I only have one scantily clad woman in my life - and her name is MRS. TREICHLER. [Pat, no it is not my mother!]
ST
Sorry about that, I had a typo and had to delete this one and retype it. Here's my comment:Here's another lie for ya:
Sex is about how much pleasure I can get,as opposed to it being a giving thing - desiring to honor and please the "wife [or husband] of your youth" Proverbs 5:18
I think we are thrown all the statistics demonstrating the slim chance we will wind up with a virgin mate. With such a small hope, we are even more likely to give into the societal pressures of sexual promiscuity. And if we do not give in, we are further tormented by the idea that our restraint is all for nothing. Which is worse -disappointment in our future partner's failure or disappointment in our own?
i was raped, so while ive heard a lot of different lies, they all stem from the same evil that tempts us all. the lies ive heard are:
-its my fault
-i could have done something to stop it
-i probably wont be able to heal from it, cause it happened such a long time ago
-my future partner wont be able to see God in me because ive been shamed in this way
I've had to stand up to the lies and smother them with truth. The turth that Jesus died for our sins and the sins of everyone around us. Not only is their freedom in that, but there's forgiveness.
Hey anonymous,
You should know that your future partner WILL be able to see God in you. Rape is very painful, and there will be a painful process as your future partner comes to terms with it, but they will and it will make you closer - I can say this from personal experience.
I was glad to see the words freedom and forgiveness in the last sentence of your post - it sounds like you are on the right track.
Please know that God loves you more than you can possibly understand, and that love is unconditional. You are His child, and nothing will change that.
Dear last two people,
I am so blessed with your sharing of your pain, and yet, how Jesus is making a huge difference in your dealing with it. I'm proud of you, not the fact that these things have happened to you, but with how you are willing to share your pain and healing with others. You are a major player in providing healing in the lives of so many people.
Thanks again for sharing!
Steve
More lies for consideration that I have noticed ... I've been thinking on them for a few days...
1. I've seen this one at least a couple of times in print... "Pornography can be useful in the context of marriage for educational purposes or to provide a spark when needed" ... I can't begin to describe the danger in that lie. If a married couple started down that path, fell for it and kept on it...scary
2. A guy needs to feel an attraction to a broad range of women, be sexually assertive, not pass on any opportunities real or imagined, or else what's wrong with him? Is he gay?
2b. Lots of guys these days fall for this lie and get scared that they "might be gay" and then feel they have to convince themselves that they're straight by finding a Playboy or something...
3. Speaking of homosexuality, I can't believe that nobody on this thread has mentioned any of the lies in this area in our culture yet. Maybe as Christians we're all getting conditioned by our society to feel that it is wrong to say that anything is wrong or a lie with regards to homosexuality. I guess I'll post this as anonymous for fear of violating some written or unwritten "hate speech" law somewhere and risk getting thrown in jail some day (see notes about this in the Christianity Today news section more and more these days).
Speaking of those lies:
A. It's like our culture is trying to seduce people more and more into homosexual behaviors and the acceptance of them. First it started with women and now its starting to include men. Anybody else noticing this trend particularly in TV and movies and is alarmed by it? I don't want to live in a world where I have to train my kids to, for example, not give in to a dare to kiss their same sex friends...(I'm not making this stuff up, ever listen to 101.3 KDWB in the Twin Cities, the radio station for kids?)
Hi Steve and others,
First time blog poster here. Steve, I hope you don't mind but I kind of quoted you in a paper that I turned in this morning for my Perinatal and Reproductive Health class. I'm not going to post the whole paper (let me know if you want to read the whole thing) but I am going to post the last paragraph. The topic of the paper is Can Abstinence Education and Comprehensive Sexuality Education Coexist?
John F. Kennedy once said, “There are risks and costs to any course of action, but they are far less than the risks and costs of comfortable inaction.” I am not willing to sit idly by, watching young people grow up only hearing one aspect of sexuality. Last week my pastor preached a sermon about what the media teaches us about sexuality. He challenged us to watch one episode of Friends or any other sitcom and to find one episode that did not have an aspect of sex in it. This challenge got me thinking. Our culture has become more and more busy. Americans need to work more to have money to support a family. In most cases both parents have to work. Other households one have one parent that has to work, sometimes multiple jobs. We know that children are home alone more and are more or less free to watch or listen to whatever is around to keep them busy. The messages on TV, in the movies, on the radio and in print are all that sex is great and you should use it to get what you want, or that if you are not having sex there is something wrong with you. Someone needs to be a voice for the other side. Telling teens that it is normal to not have sex, that it is okay to wait, that no one except you can decide when you should have sex. This is the message of abstinence that needs to be taught to our children. If I don’t speak out, who will?
Vicki,
YOU GO GIRL!! That voice is so in the minority in acadamia, and I am so VERY, VERY proud of you to lovingly and firmly declare the truth. It might, and most likely will fall on deaf ears, so don't be surprised. But, who knows, God may open their hearts to this, and it may lead to many wonderful things.
I can only imagine how alone you may feel with a position like this at the U, but I and the Lord stand firmly with you. You are my hero!
Trike
I know this comment may be a bit late coming (seeing as the original post was on 2.24), but I just wanted to share some thoughts from the perspective of a person who bought into the lies of what sexuality is prior to coming to Christ. I want to say first that I greatly miss HopeCC (I graduated from the U last year) and was so pleased to find this blog and to be able to download messages from the church's website.
Ok, now to the topic at hand. I think the biggest lies that have affected my life (some of which have been stated already in the previous comments) are that:
1) After dating someone for a decent amount of time you "owe" them sex. I was pressured into having sex when I was 18 by my high school boyfriend. In the end I justified it that it was ok because at least I waited until I was legal. The problem was that I was basing my decision on a man made law.
2) Something is wrong with you if you are not consumed with the desire to have sex. Which ties into #3...
3) If a man doesn't want to have sex, they must be gay (which unfortunately is a lie that my boyfriend and I currently have to defend ourselves against. What really hurts is that my mother made the statement).
4) That it's ok for a man to force sex on a woman - because no really means yes. There were two previous anonymous postings regarding rape, and I just want to say thank you for being courageous and sharing what happened to you. I am also a victim - of date rape. I blamed myself for a very long time - I could have fought harder or maybe I led him on. The great news is that God didn't leave me hanging even though I was certainly not following the path He wanted me to follow at that time in my life. He carried me through, even though at the time I wouldn't have realized it if it would have hit me across the head with a 2x4. But, 10 months after the rape, God's message rang true and I became born again and began the healing that I have now found. I knew God had forgiven me...but it was very difficult to forgive myself for quite some time.
5) That once you have had sex there is no going back, that you are tainted goods. Which is a TOTAL lie because I know that even though I may not physically meet the requirements of being a virgin, that God has forgiven me and restored my purity, 100%.
And 6) That if you love someone, it's ok to have sex. This is the lie that has hurt me the most personally, and it's a shame that it's a common statement. My mother was actually the one who said it to me first when she confronted me about the nature of my relationship with my high school boyfriend. Having been raised Catholic, I was surprised that she would make such a statement, and chose to believe her "wisdom" over what I had believed for a good portion of my life (that waiting for marriage is what God asks of us). It was as if that one MAJOR lie provided the type of validation that I needed to continue the type of life that I was leading.
Oh, sorry, there's one more - 7) That an addiction to pornography is something only guys deal with. I don't think that the percentage of women that view pornography is as great as men, but it is still something that is readily accessible to both genders.
It's great to see such a touch subject being discussed so openly.
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