I've been thinking a lot about sex these past few days as I am preaching a 3 week series (see the post below). As I've been surfing internet to see how our culture uses sexuality to sell products, advertise movies, etc., it has really been clear to me how much the average American male is barraged with sex. Sure, there are ads directed at females, but not nearly as explicit, and not nearly as much. Being male, we are on a different sexual plane than women, and Madison Avenue knows this and uses it to their advantage.
Here's my BQ (Big Question) that I would love some comments on (especially you Dr. Ruth Kahnke!).
Why do you think God gave men and women such incredibly different sexual drives? What was he thinking?
Looking forward to hearing from you. Feel free to answer "anonymously" if that makes you more comfortable.
ST
10 comments:
Little boys are all conquistadors-in-training, whereas little girls like to laugh and pat you on the head. I think it all grows from there.
OR
Men are terse and women are blue, I don't like it and neither do you.
OR
I have no idea.
Dude, I am so about #3!
I am not sure about different sexual drives. But when a man drives he is less likely than a woman to ask for directions. Does that help?
Pat,
Wow, that was great! I've been thinking about that one all yesterday afternoon. Great analogy. Do you think that our sexual desires (men's in particular) were warped though the Fall, or do you think that the "whoa, horsey" chip that we are supposed to have has been warped? It just seems a bit excessive in my experience, that's all.
Anonymous,
I think men don't ask for directions because there is a deep rooted belief that we know what we're doing...tossing the instructions, tackling a home remodeling project wholeheartedly, only to have it last 6 years (I'm speaking from personal experience on that one).
How that relates to our sexual desires is a new one to me, but I kind of like the idea of blaming everything on it!! :)
I sort of agree with pat k. I don't think you can always generalize about the sex drive being more male or female. I do think that there is often a difference within marriage relationships. It seems that often one spouse has a greater libido than the other. I also think that pat is right when suggesting a difference in the "shape" of the desire--different in terms of men and women, and different for every individual. (I can't remember who first said this, but it's a cute and perhaps accurate quote: "Men are microwaves, women are crockpots".) So, where does all this lead? I guess maybe it's God's way of giving us continuing opportunity to exercise our love muscles (the Godly/Biblical sort of love: patient, kind, not envious...not self-seeking, ...) and put our spouse's needs before our own. It also give us the opportunity to simply get to know what makes our spouse tick and "warm them up" in a way that befits them--when they are ok with it (of course). It requires selfless love and respect from both partners. I think that results in the BEST sex, personally. Not exactly what "the world" would say, eh?
On another note related to all this sex stuff--and particular in terms of the 6 points describing God's intentions for sex, I'm perplexed and maybe a little surprised that there has been no mention of procreation. Certainly God intended procreation as a purpose for sex! I think perhaps this is an indication of the frog in the pot. We (Christians in this post-modern culture) so often think of sex only as it relates to "bonding" in a marriage relationship. When did we forget that procreating is a HUGE part of it? Was it with the introduction and increasing popularity of birth control? Now we (men and women) can enjoy all the benefits of sex without "worrying" about getting pregnant? Woa! Doesn't God see children as a gift? OK, I know the people of Hope know about procreating and that they are not against it, I'm just trying to make the point that it too is an important part of sex--as God intended it. I also think this procreating aspect of sex can have a major affect on the amount and shape of people's drive, women especially.
In "the world", self-serving birth control and abortion are often responses to the procreative aspect of sex. Talk about pain! I once attended a training session for counseling women dealing with crisis pregnancy. The trainer--a counselor herself with experience in all areas of counseling--said that the resultant pain from abortion is THE WORST pain she's ever seen!!! Sadly, the secular world does not even professionally recognize "Post Abortion Syndrome". Yet another way that people are being duped and baptised into the philosophy that "free" sex is "good" and has no negative consequences.
Pardon me, for I have diverged. What was the original question? Why did God give men and women different sex drives? I don't know. Has anyone asked God? I'd like to see His blog.
If women=men in sex, nothing else would ever get done!
Dear Anonymous (first one),
Yeah, I didn't mention procreation, and although I TOTALLY believe that it is part of God's intention for the outcome of sexuality, I didn't include it because of the uniqueness of sex. We could just pollinate, or be like fish and just spread our sperm over eggs. But God has done something unique with our sexuality, creating it to be more than procreation, WAY more.
However, I think your point is well taken, and I will mention it this week so NO ONE gets the idea that I think children are not valuable or that God doesn't bless us with them. I really hope people don't think that, but let's make sure. So I appreciate the feedback.
ST
God could have given us the ability to procreate via a fish like pollination. And he could have still given us the act of sex as we know it for all the other non procreation reasons we have sex. He could have kept those functions seperate. But he didn't. Why then did he put them together? Why is procreation part of sex? Does the ability to procreate affect our sex drive?
Other questions:
Is there a different sexual drive that drives us to sexual immorality, or is it the same sexual drive that leads us to Godly sexual morality?
What exactly is sexaul drive? The more I think about it less I think I know. I must to be thinking too hard.
-Anonymous (a new one... not one listed above) :)
p.s. i'm loving the comments. some good thoughts.
Good questions, most recent Anonymous. It is a mysterious thing that God put sex and procreation together. I don't know if there's a good answer to that, but just to highlight that He DID put them together. I do think there is a relationship between procreation and sex drive-- from a biological (physiological) perspective. For instance, men are always fertile (barring medical prob. or surgical procedures), and women are fertile only for about a week in mid-cycle. For a lot of woman (barring the use of synthetic hormones or surgical alteration), their sex drive is higher at this fertile time. Conversely, a woman's sex drive may be lower during her non-fertile times. Of course, if a woman is just healing from a recent labor and delivery, emotional and physical fatigue factors may override this fertile-drive response.
So, I don't know. I guess since God thinks highly of children and made sex really nice for us, maybe He did this whole fertile-drive response so that making babies was the funnest sex there was! Like, the joy of our intimacy with our spouse just couldn't be contained between two people, so another person is created as sort of a love-sex explosion (in a good way)!
I do think that our sex drive as women is affected by procreation a little more than men, because we "carry" the reality of childbearing in our bodies. Being pregnant and having babies IS wonderful, but it is also a LOT of work! Remember God's message to Eve after the original sin? Increasing pain/work in bearing children.
My question is, how does this whole procreative aspect of sex play out in the big metaphore of Christ being the "Groom" and the Church being His "bride"? Maybe I'm thinking about it too much!?
Anyhow, I'm the anonymous who first brought up procreation. FYI. :)
Hey, blogging is fun!
It feels as if that is all that seems to register on the mind of some men (Christian too) and if you're not about sex, he moves on.
Im not sure if that is the same for the man, but I have found that women are willing to be friends first and grow into a romantic relationship but that appears to be too much of a time investment for some men... Either that or they think with their Jewels...
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